I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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