all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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