he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
