Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
