i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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