Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
