dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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