Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
