i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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