I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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