i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
