please come you make the beer taste better
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
