at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i need some magic done to my vagina
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
