i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
