the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
