Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
