if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
