Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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