took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
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I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
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In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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