I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
