i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My life is pants optional.
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