Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
