u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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