I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
