never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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