who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
