He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
