I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
