woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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