My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
