He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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