My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
