pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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