there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hippo gnu deer
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
