There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
