whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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