I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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