Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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