fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This is the high leading the old right now
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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