When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
nutella sex= disaster
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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