it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
