I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
