Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
