is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
