I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just google imaged poop.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
