The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
