My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
