You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have aggressive nipples.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
