Your dad touched me again.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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