i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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