Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
