I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
