this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I checked into jail on foursquare
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
