just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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