Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
