the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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