I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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