see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
