dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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