I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
