meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
