After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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