Michael Bay diarrhea
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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