I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
