HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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