how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
