By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
