is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
