We're like a lot better than the average bears
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
