I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
