Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
