I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
not ubering you a puppy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
