All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
