ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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