Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
