oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
