these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
