At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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