just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
