lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
